“Everytime I set the alarm, my wife turns it off. She says what I earn, it don’t pay to get up.” | Rodney Dangerfield

“I never got no respect when I was younger. No respect at all. The first time I had a date with a girl, while she was out with me, she introduced me to some guy she knew. She said, ‘Steve, this is Rodney. Rodney, this is goodbye.’” | Rodney Dangerfield

“That’s another beauty, my family doctor. He told me I need exercise and the right climate. Then he told me to run to Arizona.” | Rodney Dangerfield